The weekly rant: how to fix Milan and other things that make me grouchy 10.01.09

Time for me to air out the things that have made me grumpy about football, or things about football that have flat-out annoyed me, or just me standing on my soapbox. Either way, thanks for letting me vent.

"Because I'm strong and you're weak. Because I'm the kind of guy everyone here wants to be like and YOU are pathetic........................." I'm going to guess that legendary Manchester United supporter Howard Rogers has not softened his stance on how the UEFA Champions League should be run. I know Michele Platini disagrees with it. The sentiment out there is that the league stage of the UEFA Champions League is useless, and just a moneymaker delaying the inevitable 12-16 strongest teams in Europe matching up with each other, and that's when the competition really begins.

Oh really? How about runnig that logic by an FC Zurich supporter today? Or go to Romania, stand in the main square of pretty much any town in that country and tell them that what Unirea Urziceni did Tuesday isn't that important. Good luck telling a Rubin Kazan supporter this after they drew with Inter. For that matter, you won't have a lot of success arguing this in the Ukraine today either, as Dynamo Kiev might have lost to Barcelona but they sit 2nd in their group over Inter Milan. Still not satisfied? Okay, look at last year. Ask a Panathinaikos fan, or more importantly, a Werder Bremen fan how useless the group stage is. And I'm sure you'll have people in Belarus tell you that Bate Borisov drawing Juventus and taking an early 2-0 lead on them wasn't meaningful to them.

Those of us west of the pond know full well the value of preliminaries and early stages of competitions. Yes, yes, yes, the elite will rise to the top and matchup in the latter stages of all competitions with the rare underdog getting farther than anyone would expect. But the league stage embodies the spirit of competition, and the UEFA Champions League is no more immune to the little guy getting some glory than the NCAA College Basketball championships. If your logic is that the league stage is boring and that having the champions of less competitive countries in it is useless, then you believe the following:

• Y.E. Yang shouldn't have been allowed to play for the PGA Championship.


• George Mason should have forfeited their Final Four place to UConn.


• Greece should have gone home after the group stage of Euro 2004 and let Spain go through.

Bottom line is this, enjoy the league stage. Reporters, shut up about the boredom of this part of the competition, and let the little guy play for a little more bread. Your dumb questions only hinder the spirit of competition.

If they played at Anfield they would have scored 5 times.................... Liverpool's 3rd place position in the Premier League could potentially be the most misleading place in all of Europe. I know the Scousers and the Kopites are all gushing over the run of wins in the Premier League and now their talking about their intent to win the Premiership. Okay fine. The issue I have with your Premier League campaign is that your wins, though impressive, are over Stoke (12th), Bolton (13th), Burnley (11th), West Ham (18th), and Hull (19th). Your losses: Tottenham (4th), and Aston Villa (7th). When your beloved reds go out to Florence and get tagged by Fiorentina 2-0 (and my friend Kirk will testify that I warned that Jovetic would be the danger man in that game), it might suggest you aren't set up to beat a big boy in England, and that could keep you from winning the one trophy you claim to care about this season. Beat Chelsea on Sunday, and I'll feel differently about Liverpool's chances on the island.

The 60-something million Euros can be used to help Massimo Moratti get a nose job..................... Checking on my fearless prediction that Ibrahimovic would score more than 30 in La Liga games and Eto'o would score less than 25 in Serie A games: Zlatan Ibrahimovic has 5 goals through 5 games in La Liga, while Eto'o has 3 through 6 Italian top flight matches. At this pace: Ibrahimovic 38, Eto'o 19. So exactly how was this a better deal for Inter Milan?

Well at least Sheva didn't score at the Nou Camp.................................... in this edition of "I'm an AC Milan fan, FML." Milan have gone scoreless in their last three matches now; Champions League loss to FC Zurich yesterday 1-0, a 0-0 draw with Bari on Sunday (which they should have lost), and a 1-0 loss at Udinese last Wednesday. On those dates or thereabouts, here's a summary of men who could have been Milan players this season and how they performed:

• Kaka scored yesterday against Marseille in the Champions League, Sunday in league play against CD Tenerife (who is a promoted team like Bari) and last Wednesday at Villarreal.
• Edin Dzeko scored yesterday in the Champions League at Manchester United, over the weekend in league play against Hannover 96, and in a cup match last Wednesday against Koln.
• Luis Fabiano scored for Sevilla in the Champions League against Rangers on Tuesday.

So what exactly is that $95 million U.S. getting my favorite team? Well, a chunk was spent on Klaas-Jan Huntelaar, who has scored, yep you guessed it, 0 goals so far this season.

Rachel Phelps: "I think he'll fit right in with our team concept."
Charlie Donovan: "That reminds me. I was going to ask you. What exactly is our team concept?"............................................................ So with the dreadful 1-0 home defeat to FC Zurich in the UEFA Champions League on Wednesday, Rossoneri supporters (like me) are tearing their hair out and cursing Berlusconi, Galliani and everyone associated with the embarrassment that has been going on at Milanello. It doesn't take a genius to see that losing a long-time coach, long-time captain, and former World Player of the Year all in one offseason would have its effects. When I saw Milan perform during the preseason, I declared "I'm going to be patient, I'm going to let them sort this all out and we'll in decent shape around the start of the Champions League." Well, time to now press the panic button. Everyone can blame Leonardo and his lack of experience as a manager, and it's very easy to do so. Probably the easiest thing to do is scapegoat the coach, and especially in this case a guy with NO coaching experience. However the problems do not start at Leonardo and they certainly don't end there.

The simple fact is that Silvio Berlusconi and Adriano Galliani, the chief figureheads of this team, have gone far too long with the same core of players. And whenever there was a glaring need to fill a position in the team, it was usually ignored and they would spend their transfer kitty on the next 30-something burnout, and most of the time he was Brazilian (see Rivaldo, Ronaldo ~fat one~, and Emerson, and pretty soon you can add Ronaldinho to the list though they got him at 28). Someone like Sir Alex Ferguson would have amicably split with players like Massimo Ambrosini, Kakha Kaladze, Marek Jankulovski, Massimo Oddo, Clarence Seedorf in some formal structured way after 2007, and yes even Pippo Inzaghi and Rino Gattuso (very beloved Milan players). If this approach was taken, you would have seen players like Antonio Di Natale (Udinese), Luca Cigarini (Napoli), Alessandro Gamberini (Fiorentina), among others making a name for themselves in the red and black. Since we're stuck with the greybeards, here's how to make the season somewhat salvageable and perhaps set the team up long-term. Or what I would do if I had a say so at Milanello:

1. I paid good money for Klaas Jan Huntelaar. Huntelaar and Pato are my long-term strike partnership. They should be out on the pitch for as much as they possibly can, with having Inzaghi get the occasional game. I don't care about Huntelaar's struggles to find his way into the team, the best way to get him going is to play him. He's had a proven strike rate wherever he's gone. Marco Borriello is not a Milan player, no matter how much of a chance you think he deserves.
2. I give Massimo Oddo and Kakha Kaladze embroidered towels and part ways with them. Now. I won't get anything of value in return so I might as well wish them well. Same can be said for Dida. I'm only giving my goalkeeper coach headaches having him on board. Storari is my guy now, and Abbiati will get to prove he's still the #1. Flavio Roma I have to keep because I just got him.
3. I just opened up a non-EU spot on my roster by terminating Tabare Viudez' contract (I know you don't, he's a 20 year old playmaking midfielder from Uruguay). I'm celebrating New Year's in Sao Paulo, Brazil. On January 1st, I'm showing up at Sao Paulo FC's facility with a blank check asking "Write on that check what Hernanes is worth to you and I'll pay it (hoping he writes 'swap for Ronaldinho' but that's wishful thinking)." I immediately put Hernanes in the first 11 and in midfield with Flamini and Pirlo.
4. I tell David Beckham, "It was fun, but I have other ambitions this season. Thanks for your efforts last season. I have this boy Abate and I want to give him more chances."
5. Gattuso and Ambrosini can stay as long as they realize their appearances will be limited to Coppa Italia games and bottom feeders. Marek Jankulovski only gets games when I need width on the left and left-footed crossing.
6. I check with Ajax during the summer '10 transfer season to see if they are interested in having Clarence Seedorf close out his career in Amsterdam where it all started.
7. In the summer I bring back Alberto Paloschi from Parma, sell Marco Borriello to whatever Italian side wants him (likely a newly promoted team).
8. I tell Pato, "get off your ass and start playing like the next big thing you are supposed to be!"
9. I find out if Mr. Capello is getting bored in England after World Cup 2010 and wants to come home. If I'm denied, I ask Mr. Lippi if he would like to manage a club again. If Strike Two, why not ask Mr. Hiddink if he actually wants to manage a club again since it looks like my former coach is going to stay at Chelsea for a while. The worst that can happen is that I can be told no. My safe bet is that I can go to Florence and tempt Cesare Prandelli.
10. I give Leonardo his chance to fix this, but let him know I have quick hook.

And those are just 10 things I would do, I have a few more but I don't want to turn this completely into a Milan column.

Bits and pieces and bits and pieces. These are just some quick blurbs that I didn't want to spend an enormous amount of time on but get your attention with anyway. Some might be facts that you can use to impress your friends or that person of the opposite sex you are trying to attract:

1. The last three Champions League winners were losing semifinalists prior to the year they won: 2009 Barcelona (lost in semis to Man Utd in 2008), 2008 Man Utd (lost in semis to Milan in 2007), and 2007 Milan (lost in semis to Barcelona in 2006). Just something to get Chelsea and Arsenal fans excited.
2. Want a team to rip up the script in Spain? How about Sevilla. They have won 4 straight in La Liga since the opening loss to Valencia, sit three back of Real Madrid and Barcelona, are 2 for 2 in the Champions League, and are loaded. Luis Fabiano and Frederic Kanoute provide the scoring, and Jesus Navas, Adriano (not that one), and Renato providing the playmaking.
3. The German Bundesliga is picking up where it left off last year if you want a league that will be filled with goals. Four teams (Hamburg- 17, Wolfsburg- 15, Leverkusen- 14, Hoffenheim- 14) are averaging 2 goals a game through 7 games.
4. If you want an intriguing, fly under the radar Champions League matchup for Matchdays 3 and 4, have look at the ties between Bayern Munich and Bordeaux. They are joint top of Group A on four points each, and Bordeaux has been near flawless in France with 19 out of possible 21 points to start the season (3 goals conceded in 7 games). Additionally, it will be a great proving ground for Yoann Gourcuff that he is the best French player and not Franck Ribery.
5. If the Italian teams want to keep their 4 team allocation for the Champions League, then AC Milan, Inter, and Juventus (all sitting third in their groups) better get on with it.

So thanks for taking the time to read and let me stand on my football soapbox, keep on enjoying the beautiful game and let me know what you're grouchy about in this sport.